Stove of doom
Jul. 9th, 2013 10:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mitochondriaayaWho: Sheriff Aya Brea, Independants Braig and Dilan
When: 3:36 pm Sunday August 5th.
What: Just another beautiful day in Eureka
"Yes, I tried that," Aya growled into her phone. "I wouldn't be on top of my fridge calling you if that worked!" Tucked back on the farthest edge of her fridge no less and hoping the house didn't get it in it's head to put the fridge away for storage since she wasn't using it.
"Why am I calling you? I'm calling you because my owners manual for the house says you guys are a better bet than Global Dynamics alright? And my oven is trying to eat me." That or trying to gnaw on her a bit so she baked cookies or something. She couldn't quite parse it.
"...why would I shoot it? Can you tell me if this a fission or fusion powered appliance?" Of course she didn't shoot it. She'd learned not to shoot things that didn't act properly the first week she was in town.
For the record this was the fifth week. She hadn't died even once yet.
She was starting to regret the 'perks' of being sheriff though. PERKS LIKE GETTING A HOUSE.
"Seriously, my oven has a tongue. I didn't know it had a tongue. If I find out someone stuck an AI in my oven I'm going to cry." No one wanted that right? No one at all. "Yes I tried reason. Right after the cooking spray and way before the perching option. No, it liked the olive oil flavor." In that 'crunchy' kind of way.
"Right. I'm going to hang up the phone and call Global Dynamic now okay? Buh-bye." Fat lot of good the users manual did. "AH. NO I"M NOT DONE WITH THE FRIDGE THANK YOU!" Her house had an AI too. And a programmed set of instructions for house maintenance. It was trying to put the fridge away.
"SORRY AYA. ARE YOU PLAYING A GAME?"
And it was about at a five year old level.
"No EmmI, I'm stuck right now. Help should be here soon, please let them in when they arrive?"
"YES AYA!"
At least she hoped help arrived soon. Right. On the phone with Global. The doorbell rang while she was stuck on hold. "About Tinning time," she muttered, tucking the phone away. "I was....IT'S COMING FOR THE DOOR!" Her rogue stove was thundering in a crash of metal and glass away from her perch!
Well, that was a plus, technically?
Huh.
She'd...never heard a full throated katzu roar before.
"It really does have a tongue!" Braig laughed from behind Dilan as the larger man grappled with the oven door.
"Yeah, cause I'd lie about that." Aya snorted and grabbed the broom to add to the thwacking going on.
"Wasn't questioning you sheriff just...well, stove with a tongue." Braig was still smirking and letting Dilan handle the wrestling bit entirely. It was his bailiwick after all.
"It didn't have that yesterday, I swear."
"So, overnight mutation?" Dilan hummed, taking the broom from Aya to wedge the door shut. As long as the handle didn't break and the door hing didn't mutate, well, that was that? Except for the wiggling the stove was doing now! Sitting on it seemed the best option! "What happened last night?"
Aya blinked at the pair of men and sighed. "I ate out? Cafe Diem."
"Could be jealousy," Braig offered.
"Or an escaped mutant impersonating a stove who's hungry," Dilan countered.
"Wasn't a mutant yesterday!" Aya sighed. "And it's drooling."
Dilan peered down at the door he was sitting on then lifted his boots clear. "That's not a spontaneous evolution Braig. That is biosympathetic behavior."
"Well," Braig had to point out, "You're the hottest thing to come it's way. Of course it'd drool."
The sound of Aya's palm hitting her face was a little loud in the sudden silence."DO YOU HAVE A FEVER? I CAN CONTACT EMERGENCY SERVICES." the house chimed in.
"No, he's fine EmmI, thank you." Aya muttered between her fingers.
"Oh, hey, EmmI! Long time no talk babe!" Braig laughed. "Yeah, he's fine."
"DOES AYA HAVE A FEVER?"
"No, she's just blushing."
"What? Really?" Dilan laughed, craning his head around to peer at the sheriff. "Deep breathes Aya, I know he takes a bit of time to get used to, and you're not in uniform..."
"She's not looking at me dude. I'm kind of insulted."
"Guys..." Aya muttered, still from between her fingers. She could feel her ears burning BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T GIVE HER A MOMENT TO GET HER COMPOSURE BACK! "...my stove?"
"Riiiiight," Braig drawled.
"Can we keep it?"
"WHAT?!" Braig transferred his attention to Dilan, smirk finally dissipating. "Where would we keep it? An it'll scare Cat!"
"No, we'll keep it in the garage. There's nothing there right now and Cat never goes out there!" Dilan pointed out cheerfully. "Then we can figure out what it is!"
"A stove," Braig deadpanned. "A creepy stove."
Dilan laughed and banged the side of the thing when it tried to shake him off again. "It'll need a better name than that lemur."
It was Braig's turn to facepalm and count to ten, slowly. "Evil stove? Evil wants to eat the cute sheriff stove?"
"I think it prefers 'range'," Dilan teased. "Seriously? I think this thing snuck in and just impersonated a stove because of similar mass."
"ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY DEFENSES UNCLE DILAN?"
"Yup!"
"No offense EmmI, pull the security logs?" Aya finally dropped her hand and kicked the stove for good measure. IT TRIED TO EAT HER FOR AN HOUR! And it may have killed her real stove!
"YES AYA!"
...
...
"I SEEM TO BE MISSING LOG DATA."
"Well, that's..."
"...electromagnetic cloaking?" Braig hazarded. "Okay, we can keep it."
"Hey! Who says?!" Aya couldn't help laughing.
"Us?" Dilan grinned. "We say. We'll get you a new stove?"
"Fusion," Braig kicked in. "Much safer than a creepy, tongued range living with the single sheriff."
"NOT ALONE."
"Right. The adopted single mom sheriff with an awesome house." Braig laughed.
"THANK YOU UNCLE BRAIG."
"Uncles?" Aya asked, digging in a drawer now to find bungie cords. She wanted to keep her broom honestly.
"Honorary," Dilan assured. "We knew her creator. Hey, yeah, strap those there and, yeah, there. Did you notice it can't use the heater elements? I've been sitting on this thing since we arrived and no heat increase!"
"Hadn't noticed," Aya mumbled, feeling the blush coming back.
"I did!" Braig offered cheerfully. "So, you count yourself as officially rescued sheriff?"
"Yes yes, get my stove out of here," Aya waved at the door. "And thank you. I owe you...?"
"Lunch?" Braig offered.
"Dinner." Dilan decided. "Definitely dinner. We should name it after her you know."
"I will hurt you if you do," Aya promised as Dilan chased the poor thing out the door. "Dinner. We'll do dinner."
"See?" Braig laughed, following behind Dilan. "Wasn't as hard as you thought!"
"WHAT?!"
"Nothing sheriff! Have a good afternoon!"
When: 3:36 pm Sunday August 5th.
What: Just another beautiful day in Eureka
"Yes, I tried that," Aya growled into her phone. "I wouldn't be on top of my fridge calling you if that worked!" Tucked back on the farthest edge of her fridge no less and hoping the house didn't get it in it's head to put the fridge away for storage since she wasn't using it.
"Why am I calling you? I'm calling you because my owners manual for the house says you guys are a better bet than Global Dynamics alright? And my oven is trying to eat me." That or trying to gnaw on her a bit so she baked cookies or something. She couldn't quite parse it.
"...why would I shoot it? Can you tell me if this a fission or fusion powered appliance?" Of course she didn't shoot it. She'd learned not to shoot things that didn't act properly the first week she was in town.
For the record this was the fifth week. She hadn't died even once yet.
She was starting to regret the 'perks' of being sheriff though. PERKS LIKE GETTING A HOUSE.
"Seriously, my oven has a tongue. I didn't know it had a tongue. If I find out someone stuck an AI in my oven I'm going to cry." No one wanted that right? No one at all. "Yes I tried reason. Right after the cooking spray and way before the perching option. No, it liked the olive oil flavor." In that 'crunchy' kind of way.
"Right. I'm going to hang up the phone and call Global Dynamic now okay? Buh-bye." Fat lot of good the users manual did. "AH. NO I"M NOT DONE WITH THE FRIDGE THANK YOU!" Her house had an AI too. And a programmed set of instructions for house maintenance. It was trying to put the fridge away.
"SORRY AYA. ARE YOU PLAYING A GAME?"
And it was about at a five year old level.
"No EmmI, I'm stuck right now. Help should be here soon, please let them in when they arrive?"
"YES AYA!"
At least she hoped help arrived soon. Right. On the phone with Global. The doorbell rang while she was stuck on hold. "About Tinning time," she muttered, tucking the phone away. "I was....IT'S COMING FOR THE DOOR!" Her rogue stove was thundering in a crash of metal and glass away from her perch!
Well, that was a plus, technically?
Huh.
She'd...never heard a full throated katzu roar before.
"It really does have a tongue!" Braig laughed from behind Dilan as the larger man grappled with the oven door.
"Yeah, cause I'd lie about that." Aya snorted and grabbed the broom to add to the thwacking going on.
"Wasn't questioning you sheriff just...well, stove with a tongue." Braig was still smirking and letting Dilan handle the wrestling bit entirely. It was his bailiwick after all.
"It didn't have that yesterday, I swear."
"So, overnight mutation?" Dilan hummed, taking the broom from Aya to wedge the door shut. As long as the handle didn't break and the door hing didn't mutate, well, that was that? Except for the wiggling the stove was doing now! Sitting on it seemed the best option! "What happened last night?"
Aya blinked at the pair of men and sighed. "I ate out? Cafe Diem."
"Could be jealousy," Braig offered.
"Or an escaped mutant impersonating a stove who's hungry," Dilan countered.
"Wasn't a mutant yesterday!" Aya sighed. "And it's drooling."
Dilan peered down at the door he was sitting on then lifted his boots clear. "That's not a spontaneous evolution Braig. That is biosympathetic behavior."
"Well," Braig had to point out, "You're the hottest thing to come it's way. Of course it'd drool."
The sound of Aya's palm hitting her face was a little loud in the sudden silence."DO YOU HAVE A FEVER? I CAN CONTACT EMERGENCY SERVICES." the house chimed in.
"No, he's fine EmmI, thank you." Aya muttered between her fingers.
"Oh, hey, EmmI! Long time no talk babe!" Braig laughed. "Yeah, he's fine."
"DOES AYA HAVE A FEVER?"
"No, she's just blushing."
"What? Really?" Dilan laughed, craning his head around to peer at the sheriff. "Deep breathes Aya, I know he takes a bit of time to get used to, and you're not in uniform..."
"She's not looking at me dude. I'm kind of insulted."
"Guys..." Aya muttered, still from between her fingers. She could feel her ears burning BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T GIVE HER A MOMENT TO GET HER COMPOSURE BACK! "...my stove?"
"Riiiiight," Braig drawled.
"Can we keep it?"
"WHAT?!" Braig transferred his attention to Dilan, smirk finally dissipating. "Where would we keep it? An it'll scare Cat!"
"No, we'll keep it in the garage. There's nothing there right now and Cat never goes out there!" Dilan pointed out cheerfully. "Then we can figure out what it is!"
"A stove," Braig deadpanned. "A creepy stove."
Dilan laughed and banged the side of the thing when it tried to shake him off again. "It'll need a better name than that lemur."
It was Braig's turn to facepalm and count to ten, slowly. "Evil stove? Evil wants to eat the cute sheriff stove?"
"I think it prefers 'range'," Dilan teased. "Seriously? I think this thing snuck in and just impersonated a stove because of similar mass."
"ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY DEFENSES UNCLE DILAN?"
"Yup!"
"No offense EmmI, pull the security logs?" Aya finally dropped her hand and kicked the stove for good measure. IT TRIED TO EAT HER FOR AN HOUR! And it may have killed her real stove!
"YES AYA!"
...
...
"I SEEM TO BE MISSING LOG DATA."
"Well, that's..."
"...electromagnetic cloaking?" Braig hazarded. "Okay, we can keep it."
"Hey! Who says?!" Aya couldn't help laughing.
"Us?" Dilan grinned. "We say. We'll get you a new stove?"
"Fusion," Braig kicked in. "Much safer than a creepy, tongued range living with the single sheriff."
"NOT ALONE."
"Right. The adopted single mom sheriff with an awesome house." Braig laughed.
"THANK YOU UNCLE BRAIG."
"Uncles?" Aya asked, digging in a drawer now to find bungie cords. She wanted to keep her broom honestly.
"Honorary," Dilan assured. "We knew her creator. Hey, yeah, strap those there and, yeah, there. Did you notice it can't use the heater elements? I've been sitting on this thing since we arrived and no heat increase!"
"Hadn't noticed," Aya mumbled, feeling the blush coming back.
"I did!" Braig offered cheerfully. "So, you count yourself as officially rescued sheriff?"
"Yes yes, get my stove out of here," Aya waved at the door. "And thank you. I owe you...?"
"Lunch?" Braig offered.
"Dinner." Dilan decided. "Definitely dinner. We should name it after her you know."
"I will hurt you if you do," Aya promised as Dilan chased the poor thing out the door. "Dinner. We'll do dinner."
"See?" Braig laughed, following behind Dilan. "Wasn't as hard as you thought!"
"WHAT?!"
"Nothing sheriff! Have a good afternoon!"
